Hello, Friends.

Oh dear Readers, hello.

I don’t even know where to begin…it has been about a year since I last posted here and what a year indeed. I honestly don’t know if any of you are still following, but if you do happen upon this post, thank you so much for being here. <3

Little did I know that when I posted about the Hardest Month of my Life, that life would get harder for us the following year and we would be dealing with the unimaginable.

And here I must add a *trigger warning.*

I’ve shared general details on Instagram and maybe one day I’ll be able to write more, but for now I cannot continue blogging light-heartedly without acknowledging my 7th child, Dominic; who was with us for 5 months in my womb and woke up in the arms of Jesus. I gave birth to his precious stillborn body, just as I gave birth to my 6 other living children, and I had the honor of holding him in my arms for what felt like the briefest of moments. To a mother who longs so much (as any mother does) for her son’s earthly life to last much longer than her own, it was the most painful thing in the world to endure. We have been stretched beyond what I thought was possible for our family, and yet I know that God has been walking with us, holding us. Although this happened in March – 6 1/2 months ago, it feels like yesterday and our family continues to mourn Dominic’s passing and desperately miss his physical presence in our lives.

We visit him often, and I would be remiss not to mention that although the pain is great, God also brings us daily joys in the presence of our little ones- children who share Dominic’s beautiful and distinct physical features. For my husband Matt and I, there has been no greater balm than that of our children. Helping them through their own sorrow has been the source of much heartbreak, but only because they are wiser than their years, and the innocence of their love for their sibling has been enough to bring us to our knees. We are so so very far from a perfect family, but I know that even though my mind and very BEING questions the “why,” my heart knows that this isn’t the end. That there is more to life than what we can see. That we will all be together again one day, and in the meantime we have so many blessings to be thankful for. I don’t believe that God “caused this” or that He planned to take away my son. I know that this world is flawed and I truly believe that He weeps with us in our suffering. A suffering He never intended but is brought on by a fallen world. I don’t try to “look on the bright side” for a pain so tremendous as losing a child, even though some people (well-meaning people at that) will try and set the negative aside because it makes them uncomfortable to grapple with another person’s pain. To try and explain away life’s hardest and most unnaturally painful moments isn’t the loving or faithful thing to do and ignoring the pain doesn’t make someone holy. I believe it is holy to grieve, holy to acknowledge loss, holy to acknowledge the preciousness of a lost life. And that is what we are doing for Dominic. He will always be in our hearts and I look forward to the day when I get to see him again. My sweet, beautiful boy.

This is all I’ll write for now about my sweet Dominic. I have so many memories and moments stored away, and some that continue to flood my mind but it isn’t time to share yet. If you can spare some prayers for our family, I’d appreciate it friends.

I’ll keep writing about my “daily Alleluia” here because I continue to show up each day, searching for & finding moments of joy that I love sharing, as I go about surviving this life and mothering my children.

Again, thank you for being here. Feel free to say hello in the comments, and I look forward to sharing more recipes, bloggy thoughts, and things that bring me joy in everyday life. <3

Love,